Let me just say right off the bat, I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. I tried it once when I was a teenager, simply because it’s what you do, and after 3 days, I said *meh* and tossed the list in the garbage.
If you are the type who finds those kinds of lists motivating, then that’s awesome for you. I guess I’m just the kind of person who needs more than a resolution to change my life. Words are just words, no matter how valiantly you feel about them when you write them down – for true change, it requires a renovation in the heart and mind.

So instead of spending these last hours of New Year’s Day making a list of resolutions, I’m going to share some ideas of changes that I want to happen in my heart and life. I’m recognizing that it may not happen right away, but acknowledging that you need something is the first step, right? 🙂

As 2011 begins and continues, I want to search for God’s will more than I ever have before. He’s been giving me some great blessings lately, and it’s about time that I returned the favor, but not out of servitude or “have-to.” I want to fall in love with my Saviour again, like I did when I first met him. To not be able to stop thinking about him, and want to tell everyone I know about his existence. To drink up everything he says, think he’s the most wonderful thing since before sliced bread, and not be able to sleep peacefully until I’ve heard from him.

I want to stop being too tired to do anything but eat, work, occasionally write and sleep. I want to look at myself in a full-length mirror and not automatically think “ewww.” I want to truly think before I open my mouth, and focus more on saying what would lift others up instead of finding the wittiest comeback.

I want to seek & find more of the good in people instead of the bad; to look at their heart instead of their outward appearance; to not just listen to the words their mouths are saying, but what their eyes are saying.

I want to slow down and eventually kill that tendency to be so introspective, so navel-gazing, so “woe-is-me-i’m-so-unworthy-compared-to-everyone-else.”

I want to stop caring what people think of me. And realize that they’re not really thinking of me as much as I think they’re thinking of me. I think.

I want to let go of my co-dependency on others to complete my happiness. Having fellowship with others is wonderful, but there’s no reason why my joy should be depleted if I find myself alone for a little while.

I want to really expand myself musically this year. For too long, I’ve let fear of failure hold me back, and although I may not be the next…whoever…I still have something I can bring.

I want to forgive everything that has been done or said to me in 2010 and even further back if necessary. It’s been said that “To deny forgiveness is to burn a bridge you must cross yourself.” So, so very true.

And finally, I want to get one step closer to making my own family, my own home, my own life. If I fall in love, I want it to be with the right person, not because I was feeling emotionally vulnerable and just wanted the attention. Where I’m living now is nice – I’m certainly blessed – but it’s not home. This basement suite is not home; Prince George is not home. When it comes right down to it, the Earth itself is not home, but everyone needs a dress rehearsal before they arrive at the real thing. And my job is great; I like my boss and my co-workers but I’m not fulfilled smelling like a starchy potato, covered with burns. Somewhere out there is something I’m meant to do, but I just haven’t figured out what it is yet.

I guess what I’m really saying, really hoping and praying for is that 2011 will be a year of growing up and becoming a real woman of God. A year of freedom from fear, anxiety, lack of motivation and courage…freedom from everything inside myself that has held me back thus far.

Freedom to run into the arms of the one who made me and can’t wait to show me what he’s really got planned.

Here’s to 2011! =)

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