Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime

Listen.

Can you hear that?

The sound of being alone. I’d almost forgotten what that was. And yet it’s only temporary, since I can still see my life of the past two weeks reflected in the muddy dog prints on my floor and the air mattress in my living room.

I don’t really mind, though. Because as soon as my mom drives away, I’ll have to face the reality that it’s time to lose weight, time to find another job, time to start being responsible again. As soon as she leaves, the holidays are over.

For the past 2 weeks, our newlywed routine (as much as I hate that word) has been shattered and most wonderfully. Against all odds, Mom made the trek all the way from Alaska down to our little coach house in Langley, BC. Her mode of transport? A 1974 Ford with only 2-wheel drive, no defrost and no radio.
If it had been me, I would have gone batty, so I can appreciate the love she has for us in her determination to get here.

However, as soon as she arrived, the truck went kaput so it’s been an almost-daily kafuffle trying to find her something that will get her home. Since my Steve is somewhat of a vehicle connoisseur, this is why I have a quiet home for a moment. Thank God for Craigslist. Which is also a website I happen to be ignoring at the moment. “Whaaa, she’d rather blog than job search?” *crazy hand motions conveying confusion*

I regret nothing.

Anyways.

This Christmas and New Year’s was amazing. The best ever. Fantabulous. Over the moon unbelievable. And just really, really nice. And full of bacon.

No, seriously. LOTS of bacon. One episode of which was baked into a meringue pie and immortalized HERE —->; baconmeringuepie.com
Our new friend Matt Higgins is somewhat of a cooking god. This is his creation, his website, his bleeding heart. And on New Year’s Day, Steve and I were the lucky recipients of the invitation from him and his fabulous fiancee Maya to become part of their “nom family.” In which the members get together on a regular basis and nom things. In which we said HELLA YES.

So many gifts were given and received in this special time – in fact, I’ve decided that my husband’s family (now mine) is one of the best in that category. I’ve been down here for a number of months, but now I truly feel like part of this family. Because of them, I learned that I’m a firm believer of the concept that withholding any blessings you are capable of giving is criminal.

For example, the gift of music was given to my mom, my husband, myself and quite a few others we know. One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to finally learn my ukulele. Also, we’ve decided to take Agent Button to the next level: our very own Youtube channel. 2013. It’s gonna happen. Maybe I’ll even play my uke ON said Youtube channel – two for one, baby!

But there was a moment I particularly cherish: my mama, without the help of a guitar or Youtube, managed to spread some Christmas cheer, merely by sitting on a chair in an antique mall. The Michael Buble Christmas CD was playing, and she started slapping out a beat on her knees – which I’ve seen her do countless times. This time, though, there was a little boy standing in the checkout line with his mom, who decided to come stand right in front of my mom and start boogie dancing like Elvis and playing an air guitar, pelvis and all. It was adorable. His mother and sister shook their heads in embarrassment as they led him out the store, but to him, I say, “Right on, sir! Don’t let anyone tell you different!”

So, wherever you are, if you have a gift today, don’t hold it back. Who knows, maybe someone really needs it.

HOWEVER. There was a gift I could have given my friends — nay, the entire tweeting world — this year and I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if we were ready for the Twitter account containing the hashtag #StuffMyMomSays. There were so many times I ALMOST DID IT, so without hesitation, I will post my favourite racist/sexist/downright.politically.incorrect almost-tweets from the mouth of my mother here instead. Please forgive me, and remember that she actually is a half-way decent person.

“Turban alert!” (upon spotting people of Arabian descent on the pier at White Rock.) #StuffMyMomSays.

“Well, he’s just a little faggy, isn’t he?” (upon seeing a feminine man on TV.) #StuffMyMomSays

*when asked how she was enjoying her New Year’s Eve, waiting for the countdown in Times Square*
“I’m just enjoying watching this beautiful mare deliver a baby foal on Youtube. Look!!!” #StuffMyMomSays

And, the best:

“Mom, would you like more sushi?”
“No thanks, I’m all Japped out!” #StuffMyMomSays

Did I just turn my back on Twitter fame?

Happy New Year, everyone. Have some bacon, don’t be a racist, and please replay any Agent Button youtube videos you come across, even if it’s just to hate-watch.

PS: Here’s to 2013 containing the abolishment of our new garbage disposal rules within city limits, and Rihanna’s “Diamonds” from airplay.

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