For the past couple of days, I have been eating fruit gummies and my own words. Both taste kind of delicious.
Last Friday, I spent a portion of my blog in mild therapy, relating how the past while has been a struggle, once again, in the job search. I wasn’t trying to complain, just be honest. And whenever I have times where I feel like I’m not being heard or I’m not good enough or I’m just plain tired of feeling the way I do — I always try to add a little note up to God afterwards. It goes something like this:
“Please do something so awesome that all the things I just said and feels I just felt result in my embarrassment. Because I know you are good and I am just being a silly child, and I would love for you to prove me right on that.”
And boy, that Father of mine, he always takes me up on an opportunity to humble me. Mere hours after I posted the blog, a girl from LUSH called me and offered me the seasonal job. I was (and am) SO. FRICKEN. EXCITED. I get to work in a place that is all about smelling amazing, helping people, and being as quirky as you possibly can. (This is also a current working title for my self-help/autobiographical novel.)
On Monday night, I went downtown to fill out some paperwork. As I was riding the skytrain into the sunset, it hit me: this is my life for the next 2 months. I’m 26, married, commuting to work in downtown Vancouver and I have money in my bank account.
By all appearances…
When the dang heck did that happen?
Maybe you’re not aware, but — that’s okay, I like being educational! — when Journey sings, “Just a small town girl…” I’m pretty sure it’s me they’re talking about. The smallest town I’ve ever lived in featured approximately 1500 souls (go Bella Coola!) and the biggest city I’ve ever lived in before coming to the lower mainland had maybe somewhere between 50-100,000 people. And THAT was a scary learning curve.
Now I’ve gone downtown to LUSH a grand total of 3 times.
I have been lost and confused every single one of those times.
I get off the skytrain at Burrard Station, which, in my opinion, is one of the nicest stations of them all. Its foliage reminds one of a mini Garden of Eden. However, similar to that Garden, it comes with a catch: it has two exits. And it sits on a part of the gridded streetway that is NOT in a perfect tic-tac-toe style square, but on a curved bend. I don’t know why. To people who can actually figure out where they’re going, this is not a problem. To the directionally challenged such as myself, it’s an evil labyrinth.
So I developed a system and I plan to master it.
Get off the skytrain – get out of the tunnel on the right side – take the escalator and stay on the right-hand side unless you’re walking up because that’s just proper city etiquette that everyone should know, capisce? – get off the escalator and take the left side stairs. Do NOT go straight. – Exit the station. Are you on a curve? Yes? Do you see a shwarma falafel truck on your right? Yes? Then go towards that delicious smelling truck but walk past it. – walk uphill for 3ish blocks. – turn left on Robson St., or is it right? Crap. Like I said, I’ll master it. – when you’ve passed the two cheesy Canadiana trinket stores and the Cafe Crepe Express, you’ll find LUSH.
Simple, right? **smh**
Once I figured that out on Monday, I went into LUSH, met more fantastic people that I get to work with, and got some dates figured out for my training schedule. The 6 days following this weekend are gonna be cray-cray, yo. But I’m so ready to submerge myself into fresh fruit, veggies, oils, bath bombs, massage bars, perfume, deodorant, bubbles, glitter and more.
I can’t be certain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Oompa-Loompas are involved here cause that sh*t looks good enough to eat.
Speaking of sh*t good enough to eat….
I THINK MY DIET AND I ARE BREAKING UP BECAUSE HOLY MOTHER OF SUSHI FALAFEL PANCAKES, THERE IS SO MUCH FOOD TO BE DISCOVERED.
I think I already mentioned that there is a Cafe Crepe Express two doors down from my store. TWO DOORS DOWN. That’s not even enough to make a cover band, how do they expect me to walk by it every day and not go in? Or rather, stop? Since it’s an express and all you have to do is stand outside and yell your order through a window and then you watch it being made.
After I filled out my paperwork, I was starving. So two of the gals working there said I needed to go there and get….are you ready for this?…..a nutella milkshake.
The seeker in me just had to know if this was true. Cause, you know, I’ve had dreams about stuff like this before and waking up has always been a problem for my amazing night inventions.
So I casually traipsed two doors over and ordered a strawberry crepe and NuMlkShk.
$14 later (gahhh!), I bit into the crepe.
The heavens opened and I could hear angels singing.
I sipped the NuMlkShk and I’m pretty sure Satan ran and hid under a bush, it was so pure and beautiful and good.
It’s a good thing I’m buying new clothes for work cause the old ones ain’t gon’ fit no’ mo’.
But actually, in all seriousness, I will most likely stick to my 1400-calorie, 15 sit-ups and 50 jumping jacks-a-day regimen. This is currently the hardest thing to control in my life and I want to dominate it. (Commuting an hour each way will either definitely help keep me in shape from stress…or be a d-bag and do the opposite and keep me starving always.) But ya know what’ll keep me goin’?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that Casual Friday rocks. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be on a Friday, just whatever your Friday happens to be. For some, it might be wearing jeans instead of black dress pants. For others, it might be stuffing your face with all of the goodies that you’ve been withholding from yourself all week and passing out into a food coma on the skytrain.
Oh, that’s just me? Okay, cool.
Now the only tragedy that comes with this new job is the fact that I get super discounts on all the stuff, and I have no bathtub in my house with which to use all the stuff. My in-laws are going to start seeing a lot more of me…er, no wait, what I mean is that they are going to start seeing a lot less of their bathroom. They will NOT be seeing a lot more of me because I will most likely be naked during my Lushie experiments, just to clarify. Aaaand moving on. (Hey, much of the LUSH packaging tells me to get naked and I don’t want them to fire me for disobeying orders so I GOTS TO GIT NIKK-ID!)
So yeah. I’m doing pretty great. I’m thankful and happy and Lushie and silly and clean. Oooh, but I DO have one more confession to make….
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!! I successfully brainwashed Walter into letting me put this costume on him by using manipulation, Stockholm syndrome, deception, incrementalism, and just plain sleepiness. First, I caught him napping so deep that he was snoring. I gently laid the costume on top of him, and when he stirred, I petted him right back into dreamland. Then, I gently tucked his ears into the holes. He didn’t like that as much and tried to move. But then I reached under his neck and scratched his favourite spot, and when he lifted his head up for “Moar! Moar! Moar!” I velcroed the strap underneath him like a ninja. He gave me one slit-eyed look that said, “Fine. You win, b*tch,” and went back to sleep. I took approximately 10,000 photos of him because I know I’ll never get this chance again, and then I took the costume straight off. After all, I’m not cruel.
Isn’t he sooooooo cah-yewwwwwwwwt?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?
Aiming for “Best Mom of the Year,”