…my LUSHIE gave to me:
A KICK-ASS HAIR DAY!!!!
But, first things first.
It has been a whole week since I posted anything for you.
As you can see, punishment has been administered (without harming my brand new manicure in any way) and I am truly sorry.
Ironically, in my week-long absence from writing about LUSH, I have been — you guessed it: working at LUSH!
And Christmas shopping. And being “sick.” And just…a lot of driving. To drive somewhere in the lower mainland takes awhile on a good day. To drive somewhere in the lower mainland in the middle of December when your defrost randomly decides that this would be an ideal time to stop working, rain is coming down with such force you’d think the angels are having a spitting contest, and EVERYONE ELSE is unconsciously entered into a do-or-die race to the nearest Target. And THEN, I get out of my car and enter the skytrain! Depending on the time of day, it might be fairly empty OR it might be time to start playing Human Tetris with Strangers. It’s a little scary at times…in fact, well, it’s like being a police officer in a shoot-out or a soldier fighting a war. I’m just putting my life on the line every day so I can sell people soap.
What? Kanye started it. Too soon?
I’m totally kidding, guys. Caaaaalm.
I’m becoming aware of the reality of my schedule over the next few weeks, therefore I am going to make a couple of minor amendments to this blog series.
I know it’s called The 12 Days of LUSHmas, and my original intention was to write about 12 favourite things BEFORE Christmas Day. But this little series has potential to become something a little more. My best friend now wants to write a guest post about some of her LUSH experiences, and I’m thrilled! (If any of you want to add a story, contact me!) And recently I learned that the ACTUAL 12 Day of Christmas START on Christmas Day and run until January 6th. Which is funny, because that’s the day that my holiday contract ends with LUSH. After that, it’ll be up to me to decide whether I will re-apply to become a regular, and up to them to decide whether they will re-hire me.
So how about January 6th becomes the last day for all the LUSH-ous glory? And then, if the journey continues, I will add a “featured product” post every once in awhile. That helps me breathe a little easier. 🙂
And now! For the actual reason I started the 4th day of LUSHmas!
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve started getting some really lovely, heart-warming and genuine compliments on my hair.
It’s been really weird.
Words like that…just don’t happen to me.
I understand that you may be new to the enigma that IS my hair. Both of my genetic benefactors (read: parents) have somewhat curly hair, but what I have been given can only be described as a piece of work. And because I have literally next to no knowledge about my relatives on either side, I have no idea where the frack it came from. One day, if I decide to sign up for Ancestry.com, I would not at all be surprised to discover that I had a great-great-great-great grandmother from Africa.
To really get this picture clearly, I need to delve back into the past. Hang on, it’s going to be a ripply (ha!) ride.
THE HAIRYEST TIMELINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a terrible picture. It is a camera photo of an actual terrible picture. And yet, despite this, you can still see that I was a 3 year old cutie pie living with an afro.
Here I am in grade 2. The curls were still apparent, although wispy. I hated them. All the time, older people were commenting that they “paid richly for hair like mine,” and meanwhile, all I dreamed about was having straight-as-a-board black hair all the way down to my bum.
The next phase came at age 14. I decided I wanted blonde streaks in my dark tendrils. Apparently I had no idea that I was a Mexican. To match blonde hair with dark skin and dark eyebrows is a little jarring; to decide last minute that I DON’T want streaks — I want my ENTIRE head transformed into beautiful blondness — is nothing short of a disaster. It took two whole years for that orange puppy to grow out and it, my friends, was skunktastic. And yet there are no pictures to prove that it actually happened. So I’m willing to believe it didn’t actually happen.
“I am 17, going on 18, I know that I’m so sad…”
Ohhhh I wish I could go back to my teenage self and just give her a big hug. When I was about 16, I tried to grow my hair long. It lasted a little while, but one day as I got out of the shower, I was sick of trying to comb out the thousand tangles that had accumulated. I expected to find a bird or two. Instead, I just gathered it all into a bun on top of my head and chopped it off.
All I can say is that Mulan lied to me. You cannot do this to yourself and expect to still look like a Disney princess. In fact, I achieved Mulan’s ACTUAL GOAL OF WANTING TO LOOK LIKE A MAN.
And now we arrive to my grade 12 year! To the nerdiest display I have almost-ever made! My hair was now RED and growing out! On pajama day, I pretended I was a queen, and the flash of the camera became the perfectly arranged scepter of my divinity!
Now, this is pretty crazy for a pretty good reason. In grade 12, I was involved in theatre for the very first time (yay homeschooling!) and when our class performed a parody of MacBeth, I was cast as one of the 3 witches. Hence the green face and the ridiculously awesome hair. Wanna know a secret? It only took about 5 minutes for the stylist to back-comb my hair into what it was for the entire play, whereas the other witches took almost an hour. Eh, there were some perks.
Sigh. By this point, I am at least a good 21 years old with no self-respect. I put a lightning-streak of blonde hair at the top of my head going all the way down, and then from the nape of my neck up, so that when I gathered it all into a bun, it would look like the two opposing stripes were connected. Yeah. This picture was taken the day I met my future husband. So at least he knew what he was getting into.
Fast-forward a couple of years. All of the blonde has been dealt with, and it appears I have learned my lesson. THIS was actually one of those days where all the stars align and your hair looks perfect for an entire 24 hour period. I still don’t know what I did, but I’m in luuuuurve with that hair right thur. This was taken a couple weeks after I’d started emailing Steve again, and a couple weeks BEFORE we actually became a couple. Hmmm…I’m starting to wonder if he has had some cosmic hand in making me better looking…
Now we come to last spring. I am gloriously married and there’s nothing he can do about it. At that point in the relationship, I felt as though I hadn’t made nearly enough hair mistakes lately, so one day while I was alone (mistake #1), I located the mini-scissors (mistake #2), and chopped my bangs really short. Without telling Steve. (mistake #3) When he came home, I had my hair tied back (mistake #4) and jumped out from behind the staircase to surprise him (mistake #5). Poor man screamed, thinking that I had chopped everything off because he couldn’t see my hair that was tied back. I thought he knew what he was getting into. (mistake #6) So did he. (mistake #7)
Now it’s starting to grow out…and frizz out…and act out. Moving to the lower mainland has completely changed the texture and nature of my hair. The air I’m hanging out in, the water I’m bathing in, is somehow completely different. After growing my hair out for almost 2 years, I have seriously contemplated chopping it all off again and throwing it down the drain.
Then…I met the Curly Wurly-American Cream-R&B combo.
And here I am today. Literally, this day.
Daaaaayummmm. Ya’ll know I deserve to appreciate this moment, after all we’ve just been through together!
Wow, that was a long, hairy timeline. I’m just making up for the 7 days that I missed. So if you’re still with me, now we’re gonna dig into the details of what this combo is all about.
Oh wait. The Voice finale just started.
So what I’m actually gonna do is walk away, find out the fate of my Jamaican soul sister, and come back with a part 2. And it is going to kick all the ass. I promise.