Becoming a Foodie (Without Making My Husband Hate Me)

Disclaimer: Strange, exposing stories AND photos of myself lie ahead. If you think of me and think “Yeah, no, I wouldn’t care to be seen with her at the beach”, then don’t look. To everyone else, I honestly don’t care.

Ah, food. A thing I literally can’t live without.

My relationship to food has always been somewhat of a love/hate with a splash of Stockholm syndrome. As a kid, there were things I loved…

Chicken strips, chicken nuggets…basically any kind of bready chicken that could only be enhanced by ranch dressing.

…things I hated….

Don’t even wanna put up a picture of mushrooms.

…and things I grew to love against my will, because at my mom’s table [read: restaurant because ain’t nobody got time to cook] if you complained, you got nothing.

Which I really enjoy now. #stockholm’d

Which I was given for breakfast almost every morning and despised so much that I sat my butt in my bowl “accidentally” one day, so that I wouldn’t have to eat it. This was a two-for-one deal, since I got to change my pants…that I also hated. Was I a bad child?

As I grew older, the concept of food became weirder and weirder. Due to the approaching Apocalypse, Mom took me to Costco every couple of months so we could load up another wagon with bags of rice and beans we never cooked, garden seeds we never planted, and flats of non-perishable items we never cracked open. It all sat in a barn, stacked to the ceiling, for 4 years, wasted and ravaged by squirrels. We tried drying our own fruit by spending hours coring and slicing up apples, and then looping each piece onto strings that hung across our ceiling in the kitchen. They hung there for at least a year, gathering layers of dust and smoke before we even remembered they were there.

This food that I thought was so important had absolutely no meaning to me at all.

Then came the fight-for-my-life days. With my carefully hoarded (and somewhat illegally obtained) house cleaning and babysitting money, I lived off of the Dollar Store aisles and the kindness of other people for 3 years.

Food was essential, and I burned through it like water; this stick of a girl with a J-lo butt, just trying to survive. The rest of my womanly shape didn’t start developing until I was at least 24, coincidentally, when I started dating Steve. He took good care of me, and still does; I’ve never wanted for anything.

Things started to go a little downhill from there. I spent 3 1/2 weeks in Europe, consuming glorious bread and cheese wherever I went, thinking that my calorie-burning metabolism would carry me through.

And then my body was like, “HAHA! PSYCH!!! You’re gonna MOVE to a new city, and you’re gonna get MARRIED, and he’s gonna be allergic to EVERYTHING, and I’m just dying to take on all the stress you’re gonna feel!!!!!”


March 2011, trying on a dress in Le Chateau that was to. die. for. (130lbs.)


Last summer, in a bikini NO ONE over the age of 15 should be wearing.


This morning. Probably about the same weight as last summer, if I’m honest, but I think I look (and feel) healthier here.


I know I’m not obese, per se, but I have felt extremely unbalanced, to the point where I almost don’t love food anymore.

And that sounds like a tragedy.

So we’re going to change it. Steven and I are going on a food adventure!

Since most of my cookbooks are so 1996, I’m looking to the Internet for some tasty recipes that are as gluten-wheat-dairy-nut-soy-rice-garlic-lentil free as possible for the man (Sorry, honey, sugar sandwiches from your mom don’t actually count) and as healthy/balanced as possible for myself.

And because I’m still me, I think I’ll start with this.

Has anyone else out there battled with food, allergies, self-esteem or Apocalypse-themed Costco trips? I wanna hear about it.

PS: BAHAHA I was literally going to end the post there, and then my husband walked in with a bag full of Wendy’s. Clearly, we’re still packing for the adventure. šŸ˜‰

9 thoughts on “Becoming a Foodie (Without Making My Husband Hate Me)

  1. OMG. First off… you are brazen posting pics like that of yourself to the internet lol. Of course… that actually sounds like you. Nevermind. Moving on. šŸ˜€
    Second… your vegetarian best friend can most certainly supply you with veggie themed dinners! How many recipes you want?
    ALSO – YOU MUST TRY EARTH BALANCE “BUTTER.” I am serious. I have always hated fake butter. Despised. Detested. Loathed. Until… *sparkle sparkle gleam gleam * Earth Balance. It looks like butter. It acts like butter. It TASTES like butter. BUT IT IS NOT BUTTER.
    I’m not kidding, it’s absolutely miraculous and it has changed my life.
    And lastly… if Aussa doesn’t comment on this post, she’s no longer Aussa; she has transformed into an alien. (you hear that, Ms. Lorens? Ok just checking)

    • HAHA. Strangely enough, I posted those pictures BECAUSE I don’t see myself as a super fit sex bomb type of looker. If I was, I would feel prideful and uppity sharing such revealing stuff. But since I’m a little “normal”, I feel it’s important to confidently put myself out there anyway, even if I am a little insecure, kind of the like the no make-up challenge on Facebook. šŸ™‚ moving on!

      I’d be happy to try any vegetarian recipes – however, Steve is pretty dead-set on his meat proteins in every dinner meal. šŸ˜‰ if you have any favourites that don’t leave you with a ton of leftovers, or something that could afford a little meat and still taste good – I will take it! And I keep hearing about Earth Balance! Is it only at health food stores? I wanna check it out now. šŸ™‚

      • No – I got Earth Balance at my regular grocery store. Then again, Colorado is like health food mecca. But here at least, Earth Balance is even the same price as regular butter, making it an obvious choice. I never would have believed it was good until I tried it. =P
        OK good to know!!! Most of what I make for myself is pretty filling. You might try my delicious black bean sweet potato tacos with chipotle lime crema. I literally make it once a week because it’s so full of crack. šŸ˜€ And it’s very filling and might as well have meat… you might be able to add chicken to it actually and still have it taste pretty damn good.

  2. i MIGHT try?! Girl, that sounds like I HAVE to try! *send it to me send it to me send it to me* šŸ˜‰
    I’ll start checking at the grocery stores! We’ve even got a couple that include their VERY OWN gluten-free all-natural sections now, go Canada! Much excite.

  3. Well done for having the confidence to post pictures of yourself, you rock that positive body image!!

    my brother is a vegan and that can be difficult!! Last year I made him a book of recipes I had sourced from all over of different things for him to try. He was pretty much eating boring food rather than experimenting. He went through the book and did every recipe! He cooked a few for me and although I love my red meat, it was delicious! Good luck with your journey šŸ™‚

    • Awh thanks! Now that these pictures are “out there”, it’s definite motivation to get my butt in gear! šŸ™‚

      What a nice sister you are to make a fun recipe book for your brother! Did anything stand out as a favourite? (I love my red meat too, oh gosh!)

  4. Pingback: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Steve | she's a butterfly, pretty as a crimson sky, nothing's ever gonna bring her down.

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