Behbeh Love Part 4.5

[If you’re just joining me…]

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

The past 10 days have been something out of a horror movie.

I’m still in it. Physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally.

Thank God that I’m 3 sleeps away from going on vacation to my hometown of Smithers. Most of my friend & family ties are in that area, and I have not seen them in over a year.

So, before I’m able to churn out a Part 5 that actually regales you with my honest experience in miscarrying a child, I’m going to disappear for a week. Maybe two. I need to go where nothing is required of me except to be, and be held, and fed and drank and loved.

If I haven’t replied to any of your previous comments yet, I am sorry. I read them. I feel them. I love them. I’m just too drained to think of anything to say other than Thank You right now.

I do want to tell you, though, that I just finished spending the last 3 short days with my best friend Laurie. She flew approximately 1,350 miles just to be with me and my husband as we grieved.

We ate poutine and fro-yo and stayed up until 4am and made a gloriously sketchy vlog (coming soon!) and had a very special photo shoot down by the beach.

The idea came to me almost in a dream: to take a balloon down to the Pier, somehow attach 2 love notes from myself and Steven, and then send it up to our Baby In The Sky as a memorial of sorts.

Steve worried that this was not environmentally friendly. I didn’t care.

So, we went to a really dodgy retail store, and found the perfect balloon. THE MOST BEAUTIFULLY PERFECT BALLOON.

The rest…was pure, bittersweet magic.

2014-07-27 16.06.19

baby button balloon

baby button balloon 2


2014-07-27 16.35.19

2014-07-27 16.36.55

It was a good day.

But, since grief is a fickle bitch, we are in a low valley once again. We’ll retreat. We’ll climb out. And we will be ourselves again.

Thank you for staying with us.


5 thoughts on “Behbeh Love Part 4.5

  1. I’ve been there. 26 weeks no heartbeat. Take time to grieve. Your loss is no less real than anyone else’s. You lost hopes and dreams for the child you miscarried, it takes time to let those go. My daughter Anna would be 20 this year. You never forget but you do move on.
    Hugs to you both

  2. All I can think is that these memories – Laurie’s visit, and the balloon flying away with your love – hopefully years from now, these will be mingled with the sadness when you look back. Bittersweet indeed… I’m thinking of you.

  3. I saw these photos when you posted them on facebook and was incredibly touched. Two of my closest friends have experienced something very similar in the last few months and I think it’s so important to work through the loss how every you need to, on no one else’s schedule. I’m so glad Laurie was able to go and be with you. I hope you enjoy your time away.

  4. I am SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL I was able to come and be there – just wish I could have come for longer. So so so so glad you are home right now. Sink into that goodness love and let yourself be held. ❤ Love you so very much sister.

  5. That is a lovely tribute and memorial. I’m so glad you were able to do that. 🙂 I am so, so sorry for your loss. You are wonderful and strong, and I am so thankful that you have the support system that you do. 🙂

    (I was just in Hazelton to visit my in-laws! Amazing part of the province. I hope you were able to do some serious basking in the scenery. …heh, I also hope you went to Schimmel’s. Because obviously.)

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